Dancing in the Rain

A lot of people have written stuffs on dancing in the rain, lots of them say something like this "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.” So many people have actually made use of this quote in different variations and concept and most time not actually knowing what it means to dance in the rain. While writing this, I had vivid memories of growing up in a neighborhood filled with lots of kids from different homes. I remember the dramas, the cooking, the story times and most especially, times when we had to. sneak out to play or bath in the rain. I know many us have memories of those days as well. Days when the giggles of your friends would make you give up anything to be out there with them in the rain. After successfully sneaking outside when both parents are out and probably the house maid is napping away enjoying the weather, you take off your clothes (preventing it from getting wet so incase you need to sneak back in) and with pure excitement, you join your friends in the rain celebrating each drop of rain that touches your skin with joy and laughter, welcoming the heavy downpour. With your head lifted to the sky and your arms outstretched, you try to make silly but soulful dance steps following the rhythm of the rain. The strangest look from older folks around was the least to scare you back inside. Surrendering wholefully as the rain poured heavily. At this. Point, you cared less of your parents cane or the house maids usual threat and you were completely lost in the moment. From the playful screams of you and your friends, to the childish giggles, to the laugher, to every drop of rain was magical. Thinking of all these, then did the meaning of dancing in the rain hit me.

Then I thought, what would it look like, if we welcome every moment of our lives as we welcomed those rainy days when we were kids. From the good moments to the bad ones, from the sunny ones to the stormy ones. What if we start seeing it as part of Gods plan in our journeys, what if we stop fighting our down times and the stormy days and allow it prepare us for the up times and sunny days. What if somehow, we create a comfort zone for ourselves in any storm we face. What if we start dancing in our storm instead of running from it.

Storms don't just happen, it happens because the sun really really wants to shine. And you know after every storm comes the sunshine. Storms don't last forever. Ever noticed how good the sun after any rain feels on the skin? Priceless. Normally, we would see a storm as a barrier or an inconvenience from getting to wherever we want to be but what if right in the mud, in the storm, in the slipperiness and all the dirt is where joy is, what if instead of worrying of the rain ruining our plans and all, we just surrender to its beautiful mess. Looking for the beauty in every situation life throws your way; to me, that's when you actually start dancing in the rain. The heartbreaking moments should remind us we are alive, the dark times should remind us and make us appreciate colorful days and the stormy days should make us appreciate the sunny ones..

Well, as for me, I may not dance in every rainstorm I find myself in, but guess what? I won't run anymore, why would I want to keep running? I can't stop the rain from falling neither can I make the sun to shine but I can pray, I can smile, I can laugh, I can believe, I can rejoice, I can be happy and I know that I'll be okay in any weather life throws to me because the ONE who calms raging storms is mine.

My Camp Experience...

Well, for some reasons, I wasn't surprised when my NYSC call-up letter read Bayelsa State. I was actually anxious about going to camp but still had nostalgic feeling about the whole Bayelsa thing. So on the 25th of june, I set out for Kaiama Grammer School in Kolokuma/Opukuma LGA of Bayelsa State with Precious and my mum (my usual escort:D). Being already familiar with Bayelsa State, it wasn't difficult to locate kaiama. As we got closer, I began to get more anxious. Getting to the gate, I saw other fellow Otondos who had arrived earlier all looking fresh from their various homes ignorant of the great task ahead. We were verified and checked in by some NYSC officials and some 'I too know' NSCDC officials as well, some contrabands like knives, cooking stoves, kettles etc were seized from some otondos (I actually wondered what they needed all that for). My number was 112 with bed number 50. We proceeded to get mattresses in queue which I was already getting pissed with, as much as I expected, the mattresses were as flat as pancakes, I felt sick touching them. Walking down to my hostel(hostel A) with my stuffs, I began to wonder what three weeks in this strange community would look like, with ancient buildings, slippery and marshy ground I suddenly began to feel I was in FGGC Imiringi. Everything became so familiar again. We proceeded to get registered and behold, another queue we met. Here, some graduates also had issues filling their forms, some Couldn't spell correctly, some had issues with english language. How the hell did they graduate then?? This is the never ending mystery. We took our kit(khaki jacket, trouser, crested vest, tennis shoes, jungle boots, cap, socks, white shorts and vest), I couldn't stop laughing, you just can't wear those stuffs without amending them and from there trust me the complaining started.(Some strange otondos decided to wear theirs like that) Getting to the hostel, with precious as my bunky, we met some troublesome girls, loud girls, busy body girls, aje butter girls and not forgetting our igbo sisters(always representing) with strange accents as usual, some even had issues communicating and expressing themselves in English. The hostels looked like a scary movie, no windows,the mosquito nets were as good as nothing(they had seen better days), washed walls with various kinds of graffiti advertising various kinds of business better than AIT, the doors had no lock, and to top it no electricity(sorry no bulbs), the toilets were bad news with sick stench, It finally dawned on me where I was. Unlike me, I got friendly with some girls(apart from my weird side mate) and somehow my first day in kaiama came to an end. Though I was so hopeful about the next day.
Still sleeping and feeling I was in my bed at home, the bugle (a horn blown to indicate time for various activities in camp) busted my bubbles. Before you go to camp, people would disturb your ears with "CAMP IS FUN!!!" but when you reach there you would know for yourself. Waking up that early wasn't funny at all, I managed myself throughout the 21days waking up by that time. Some people even woke up by 3am to shower and I couldn't stop wondering. I dreaded having my bath, the thought of entering the scary bathroom. Sometimes sitting there on my bucket (doing things) and staring at the ceiling, I wonder how the hell I got myself here. The meditation and morale songs were what I looked forward to in the mornings.
Now the mami added some color to the camp, after a while you start getting use to the whole parade routine,("prade, prae shun, standad ice") squad 1, squad 2, "Under the sun and in the rain" things.......then going to relax in mami market (the Protea and Sheraton of camp), not everybody comes here. Some felt it was too expensive to afford, the stage for toasting starts. Guys toasting girls, girls struggling to be noticed. Somehow, I think no girl left mami 'untoasted". All kinds of people represented, oppressor boys buying lunch 5 girls making other dudes feel their case was different, guys drinking like fishes and smoking like chimneys (girls not excluded), good boys forming bad boys, good girls forming sluts.
Charging of phones in camp was priceless because you pay for that service (everything in camp is equivalent to money). My first week in camp wasn't so nice. I got bored with the parade thing, so many times I tried to act sick but it just didn't work. The second week gradually came with boring lectures though some made sense but I slept through some, gisted through some and the worse was the skills acquisition class. I just wasn't interested in any of the classes although i actually wanted sewing. Learning how to make perfumes and stuffs didn't just catch my fancy. Now everybody had settled down fully and we've become quite familiar with ourselves, some people already formed cliques and all, I had my own clique and it was just Precious and I(Doing all the mischievousness together) we were giving our first allowance, bicycle allowance, N1500, also in this week we had man o war activities, and Platoon cooking competition. I kept praying for days to roll by asap. Then finally the third week came with so many activities; Miss camp, Mr macho, Miss hot legs and pretty face camp fire night and all. I didn't take part in any of these because I actually met some cool doctor and we had so many things to gist about; I still had my eyes on some dramas going on though, lovebirds perched everywhere with some very serious things going down and somehow I began to really enjoy camp, all the dramas became fun, the frog jumps reduced and soldiers became friendlier. And finally, the end came, and I began to miss it already. In camp, I appreciated my toilet at home, the food, electricity, good water, comfort of my bed. I met wonderful people from the musical band I joined to the funny babes I met in hostel A to the wonderful soldier gentlemen like Benard. And not forgetting my girl, Precious Wejinya(Pretty girl with a wonderful Soul), Dr emmanuel, kingsley, douglas, sochi, yemi and all the mami representatives. And somehow I was glad I was in kaiama camp. My posting was a miracle. I least expected ministry of education I knew it was God working for me. My camp experience was wonderful, I felt privileged to be among other Nigerian graduates. Indeed a great experience it was.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror, staring at yourself for so long that you feel you're staring at someone else? Recently, I tried staring at my reflection in the mirror. For a long time I stood staring, staring till I thought I saw someone else, I stared till my eyes hurt, I tried to look into my own eyes and a strange kind of fear overtook my me.

I was seeing someone different from whom I normally see. It was scary. Now the normal me I know likes to talk, often too much infact, mainly because I felt insecure about being quiet. The normal me is so unsure of what she wants, most times my biggest challenge was indecision, the normal me would be always scared to try. The normal me would say 'maybe I'm not good enough'

But staring at my reflection, I knew it wasn't the normal me I was seeing. I looked into my own eyes, I looked deeper and gradually that fear began to creep away. The me I saw was different, the me I saw was smiling, confident and smart. The me I saw was strong, strong because She has learned some things along the way that she is happy to share with others, and she is also just as eager to learn from those others. I saw beauty, from outside and most of it radiating from inside..

I wondered what was wrong with this mirror, it seemed so different today. The more I looked, the more I saw a king sized self-esteem twice bigger than myself, I saw a winner. Was wondering why I suddenly felt good enough and capable. I wasn't startled when tears flooded my eyes and crumbled down my face. It felt creepy watching myself cry in front of the mirror, I couldn't help it. The me I saw wasn't scared of trying, the me I saw was ready to give her best and not settle for less.

As I stood staring and listening to Whitney Houston's One Moment in Time, i was lost in the moment, I couldn't stop staring at the me I saw, I saw greatness in my eyes, I saw hope, I saw my worth, I saw everything I wanted to be that I thought I wasn't. I loved what I saw.

Now, I really want to be that girl I saw, I have to accept that was me I was seeing I need to allow my eyes to see HER, not the lesser me who often stares back at me.  Whether it’s how I look, what I weigh, friend I am, my age, what I do and how I do it, it’s all worthy. I just have to start getting used to this me I see. I'll keep looking until my former me disappears.

Dunno what you see when you stare at your reflection in the mirror, maybe you feel you're ugly and not worthy of anything, well I think you should dust that mirror and look up again, deeply this time and without fear. Don't you see that beauty radiating from you that's being begging for appreciation. Any beautiful soul reading this, You're are Exceptionally beautiful, handsome, special, smart, good enough and worthy of every good thing.. Just don't stop looking... Love, Aibee.

Let it go..

Now this is one thing I have really being guilty of, FORGIVENESS.. Even when I act like I have, I know deep down inside my heart there's this bitterness and anger pitching its tent right in my heart, I had So many things I was holding onto. So recently, I got to a point where I got tired of holding onto these things, I finally decided to let go of all the hurts, hate, anger and all and I also noticed writing about it too made it quite easier. We've all been hurt severally, deeply. Some where really really devastating I know. Could be a lover, a friend, a relation, it could really be anyone, you could decide to hold onto the anger, resentments or embrace forgiveness. Its a choice.

Its important we learn to let go too, holding onto hurts and grudges leads to depression. You remember does moments when you're in a serious malice and you don't talk to the person for a period of time, don't forget how those period were for you, how your heart skips and your tummy turns upside down and your mind is raging with so much hate. You try not to laugh even when the person gives a funny joke, you don't even allow your skin brush when you have to pass a space together. Now well, think of how you felt when you finally made up with that person, I'm sure you felt like 'jeez. Thank God this is finally over' and you feel like a baggage was lifted of your neck, you finally appreciate what it means to have fresh air and you even forget those malicious days. That's what forgiveness and letting go feels like. When you dont forgive, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

Someone will say 'she doesn't understand, she doesn't know'. Sweetheart, I know, I really know. Forgive that man, you just have to forgive him, you can't afford to miss Gods plan for you because of him. Ok he messed you up after when you thought you've finally found love, forgive him, he raised his hands on you, forgive him, he called you desperate because he knew you were scared of losing him(this sounds familiar, lol), honey, forgive him, he raised your hopes about the future and he suddenly busted your bubbles, let it go, he reminded you of the past you never want to remember, forgive him, he raped you, I know how you could be hurting, let God heal you, forgive him, let it go. Forgive your mother, I'm sure she loves you more than anything, forgive your father, forgive your brother, your sister, forgive that friend that said all those terrible things about you, forgive that girl, she's not worth the pain, let it go. Move away from the role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You'll even find unspeakable joy and freedom. 

You can start by making a list of people who have hurt you in several ways, talk to God about it, allow him help you to forgive and let go. Better still you can also write about it like I've just done too trust me it helps...... Colossians 3:13 

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you(NIV)... Love ya

Waiting can't be that bad..

Let's face it, it could be really annoying when waiting especially when its taking so much time. It doesn't matter whatever it is we could be waiting for; it could be waiting on the queue in the bank, for the traffic light to go green or even waiting for the man of your dreams(that could really be frustrating). Whatever it is we could be waiting for, trust me its worth the wait. It’s painful to be constantly in a state of wanting something we don’t have. If this is you, there are hours, days and weeks flying by in your life that you will never have back. It’s time to learn patience. Patience to me is letting go of any ability we think we have to make it happen and trusting God in his own time to take us through it all and bringing us to that very very perfect end.(Wow).
So many times I've made myself feel I just have to be in a relationship to be happy, I have to be in love with some one bla bla, lately I began to discover how totally wrong I was. I understand. These things, I've cried countless times at night too, wondering what was wrong with me, asking myself if I was normal, relationships failing, falling, feelings of loneliness and all those stuffs which I'm sure we all feel sometimes but I've also come to finally understand that even the greatest blessing can be a curse, if it lacks preparation and is given prematurely. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven”… I went through one hell of a breakup and I was so so down, I cried everyday, sleepless nights and all but between all of that, I just knew I had to do something rather than crying and hating and feeling I wasn't normal. I decided to talk to God about it(I must confess something I wasn't used to doing) and sugar I discovered that we seriously need to discern our season, waiting on God should be a season where we forsake every other thing and draw closer to God, being wholesomely committed to his will, being faithful and loyal to him. (Not sleeping around and making sure all the men in the world are sexually satisfied) I'm very very sure about this, God will blow our minds with the man of our dreams if we try him and see.
I'm currently reading a book by Michelle Mckinney Hammond on being an irresistible woman and I just can't help sharing this wonderful book with you on what to do while waiting for the man of your dreams. We all know we can't just sit and say we're waiting, we just have to do something, we need to get a life, you can't afford to be idle or dulling, I quote her "if an idle mind is the devil's workshop, then an empty life has got to be the most fabulous playground he'll ever romp across" lol.. Ladies do not ever say you'll get life when the right man come, your just has to begin now. See this,

*Say hello to self satisfaction. When you are happy and pleased with yourself, you begin to smile subconsciously from the inside out. The light of your smile just has to attract someone. Be happy with yourself, say good bye to self pity.
*Get busy. Women who get busy about the business of their God-ordained purpose are happy people and happy people attract other happy people. Go ahead and pursue that dream you buried.
*Transform your mindset. You just have to change the way you think(I'm seriously working on this myself) you can't be thinking negative and expect things to turn out positive. Countless times I've thought negative and you can bet on this, it surely did turn out negative.
*Let go of your mistakes. No matter how bad or ugly it looks, let it go. Don't even try to judge anybody with it. Allow God to do the deleting and restoring. Everybody makes mistakes, you just have to learn from them, let them go and count it all joy.
*Live in your moment. By living in the your past, you are definitely not living your moment. Enjoy yourself, 'live your life like its golden' appreciate everything God sends your way. Look attractive for yourself.
*Sing your praises. Sweetheart, you just have to toot your horn. Appreciate yourself, tell yourself how beautiful you are, confidently smile to yourself, carry yourself with grace, swing your hair. Be proud of yourself.
*Develop yourself. Now, this is very important, trust me no brother wants to end up with some undeveloped sister. Study the word, Read books, Go back to school, acquire a skill, learn how to cook, make money,(there's nothing wrong in that), make yourself upgraded and classy..
*Build your faith, trust God for everything, be faithful and committed to him. Do not be distracted, let all your friends be there, God knows why you're not there yet he's saving the best for you..
Maybe we should read Michelle Mckinney Hammonds "what to do until love finds you and "secrets of an irresistible woman. And you should also know this, that no matter how long it takes, sweetheart, love will always and definitely find you. Just be patient.. It will surely work out for your good................ Love You Much, Aibee                                        

What a girl really wants..

  A lot of times I see pretty and lovable girls getting hurt, (not exempting myself *$) love and affection that could have grown into something bigger being thrown to the gutters, hopes being dashed and fragile hearts being smashed to pieces by egocentric guys who understand less of what it means to be there for a sister.
   Most times, I just wish guys could see through a girl and really know what she wants and understand that girls are fragile and emotional beings. Our hearts cannot be toyed with we want something deep. It takes a guy who is ready to go all the way to know that. Guys should understand this, its really not about all the "I love yous" (any guy could say that to us), the flowers, perfumes and luxuries, its not about the late night calling and text messages, its not about taking us to meet the parents, its not all about proposing, and giving us the wedding of our dreams, its not about showing us off to your friends, and making us feel like we're your all, its not about how many hours you spend on the phone talking, its not about all the promises you make, its not about saying all those nice things guys say, its not about acting like your interested in listening to our regular complains when really you feel like watching the match. Its seriously not about all these things. Its far more deeper, more intimate, more demanding and more exciting. Its about feeling secure and knowing someone's got your back, its about having the feeling of being loved, respected and protected. its about being happy and contented on the inside, its about being appreciated not tolerated, its about being understood, its about keeping those promises no matter how rough things get, its about the motive behind buying all those expensive stuffs, its deeper than trust, deeper than forgiveness. It is not selfish. You have to show sincere concern and honesty, its about loosing yourself knowing someone deeply cares, its about being committed and faithful.. Its all about loving unconditionallY and giving all of yourself, its about being passionately and crazily in love with someone, its about trusting and believing God together in everything.
    We really can go on and on.. No matter how carefree a girl acts, she'll definitely have these cravings. Guys please take note..
     Have a lovely weekend sweethearts. Xoxo

Spotting the good ones....

So you have checked his profile and he seems to be such a good catch. He's handsome, rich, funny, intelligent and he makes your heart flutter, but how sure can you be its him. Most times, we ladies seem to have a prepared list of the kind of man we want often times we throw all that shopping list away and end up settling for less.
I can imagine the excitement of meeting a new  dude, the every second calling, the text messages, the non stop chatting and stuffs(some guys are masters of that trust me. Lord help the ladies). Every chick sure wants all of that from her man but girl do not judge by that, trust me these brothers know what they really want. Most times, I get tired of hearing sisters say  'all men are dogs, all men are  the same" those shit can be true but not totally true you know.
Now, let's try to get it right. A cute brother walks up to you,  looking like a quality guy, you let all your guards down and start giving 110% of you then suddenly he smashes your heart and the rest is story.
Anyways, the good ones are not all taken, there're still out there, we just need to be able to spot them.
Here are some stuffs I just thought about, I'm sure it'll help
1. A good man has high goals he has set for himself, he is not just about to sit at one spot forever, he is trying to go into bigger and better challenges all the time. well to me,  any guy who's comfortable staying in a particular spot forever is basically  a loser.
2. He must have a relationship with his maker. Girl, if he don't pray, burst it asap. If a man is not submitted to God, we will not have the capacity to love you the way you want to be loved, he will be moving in his own understanding.
3. He realizes he is not perfect and he really tries to be the best he can be.
4. A good man would love to teach you new ideas and ways of thinking, he inspires you to be the best. Ladies, realize that by him doing so, it'll help you to be stronger and wiser.
5. He shows his respect for you by admitting he wrongs, hearing what you have to say even if he doesn't want to.
6. A good man is alright with wanting to go at the pace that YOU’RE okay with. He realizes that women are complex and when it comes to matters of the heart.. It might frustrate him to put up with not getting it, but if he respects you enough to go along with it, he’s a keeper. You should NEVER feel obligated to give it up just to make him happy, if you did, there wouldn’t be any truly feelings in it.
7. He actually takes the time to do the “little things” to win her heart. By making an effort to show her he truly cares(flowers, dates, good morning texts, and other stuffs you know..) It’s the thought that's important.
8. A good man would not hit his chick no matter what, even if she pushes him to the edge. No man would ever hit someone he claims to love.
9. Now this to me is very important. A gooood man, would not cheat on his woman. (coughs) ladies now feel its normal for guys to cheat as long as he's still theirs, but girl you so need to change that thought in your mind. A good man would not cheat on you even if you put on all the weight,( not encouraging you to), get a scar, infact no matter what, he would always love you for you. Ladies please don't settle for less.
10. He loves to show his affection for his chick, even if it IS around his homies..Ladies: If your man doesn’t…that’s something to think about.
11. A good man isn’t a cheapskate. He’s more than willing to pay for the both of you to have a good time, to go eat, or to just generally enjoy yourselves, no questions asked. He's not tight fisted or stingy. Now this doesn't have anything to do with girls loving money and all that girl if he can't take care of those little needs, let him bounce.
12. He ALWAYS make the effort to call/text you during the day to see how it’s going, or to hear your voice. Guys: Women LOVE this. Like I said earlier..it’s truly the thought that's important.

Well I'm sure that covers it and we've got ourselves thinking already. I'm thinking myself.. Sister so when next they come toasting and 'washing', you know exactly what to look out for. Maybe next time I'm gonna do a filp, for the guys how to spot a good woman. Hehehe!! Cheers.